How many ways can you love someone
by MoonCookie
Summary: If two souls are really meant to be together, time and circumstance mean nothing. Feelings and memories traverse and transcend time and space. For the moments in which two kindred spirits become tangential to each other, stories of pain, friendship, and something more unfurl as a universe all in its own. Stokeshipping. (Denji/Kouki) (Volkner/Lucas) shota/yaoi/slash/BL
1. Fishing For Change

Written for a friend. Pairing=stokeshipping = Lucas/Volkner XOXOXOXOX

1. Fishing for Change

Fourteen.

He was only fourteen and he probably should have been as carefree and hooked on the latest distractions and fads of the pokemon world as any other kid who'd been alive for this long. He probably should have had his first kiss by now and maybe even a pretty girlfriend accompanying him wherever he went. But instead, this barely teenage boy found himself locked in the grips and throws of emotions and situations that possibly far outweighed the likes of those placed on the shoulders of other (normal) trainers his age.

Fourteen years could be the difference between a lot of things. Time itself came with the blossoming or withering of feelings. More importantly, it could reflect the invisible gap of maturity, intelligence, wisdom, and experience between two minds or-

…_two hearts._

Nestled somewhere deep within this acknowledgement laid the reason why he could only stare into the irises of just one other person for so long before breaking eye contact. The dark haired boy had never met anyone so far in his life (or his adventures) whose very gaze made him feel threadbare enough to think he could save himself by looking away (let alone feel the integrity of his own soul was being clawed into).

And it scared him like the crack of thunder on a stormy night when the stars are dead and you think there just might be ghosts in the wind because it howls and moans like them. What one thinks are tree branches scratching away at the windows are really their long and spindly earthen fingers chipping away at the glass trying to reach into your bedroom.

Maybe he was afraid of what the other man would see. Maybe he was afraid that one of the few people he looked up to and could possibly understand him would see him only as a mere child. The cerulean eyed teen clenched his jaw at the possibility that maybe he wasn't who he thought he was, that how he perceived his own person was too forgiving, too kind, too generous. But if he wasn't, then who or what did Denji see whenever he gazed into the small boy's creamy face? What did Denji's own lighter shade of robin egg blue see in Kouki's dark but richer hue?

'_Denji's eyes are clear crystals, a depth with endlessness like the sky.'_

Unconsciously, Kouki's small and pale fingers grazed over the dried salt trails upon his cheeks while his head hung low. He peered solemnly at his reflection dancing across the gentle waves of the river he stood in.

'_But mine…my eyes are dark and murky; unfathomable like the ocean.'_

Two weeks after beating the league, but four weeks since earning the 8th gym badge found Kouki back at Sandgem town. Daily life resumed with the pace of running menial errands for Professor Nanakamado who, more often than not, spent most of his time outside of the lab which left Kouki in charge. But it wasn't like there was truly much for him to take care of with the professor's other assistants around who were, well, "assisting" by doing whatever it was they were doing.

They didn't really seem to pay attention to him much anyway. So, on a particular morning when Nanakamado had left with only so much as a vague "I need to check on something, I'll be back in a few days", Kouki had allowed himself to venture out to the nearby beach and wade around in the semi transparent water. The slow and rhythmic lapping of the free flowing liquid against the white sands had lulled the teen into a trance.

Kouki had been using the constant busy work as a distraction from unpleasant thoughts and memories. Sorting through documents and helping the professor compile data had preoccupied his mind pleasantly enough that he didn't dwell on Sunnyshore's famous star. Sheets upon disorganized sheets of scientific jargon crammed with numbers filled his mind and blocked out the unnerving image of the older male's electric blue eyes.

Even though the beacon badge was in his possession, there was something about the way Sinnoh's last gym leader had wantonly and openly stared at him. Even though Kouki had won by all means fair, the expression on the man's face made Kouki believe that their battle had just been a thing of his imagination. Even though Denji had lost, somehow it felt like he actually hadn't.

It was a feeling the teen couldn't shake and for good reason once he finally recalled the cryptic words that reached his ears before he had subtly fled from the electric type user after their match.

"_Kouki…that wasn't the end; it was merely the beginning. You're still weak and I'm not done with you yet. I'll be waiting."_

And as the brunette stood knee deep in the crystalline waters, neither the soothing coolness of it nor the shards of sunlight flitting across the surface could chase away the anxiety and trepidation he felt at those words. So he focused on the warm scarf wrapped around his neck and how his pants had gotten soaked even though they were bunched up ridiculously high around his thighs.

But then the cloudless sky and the tepid water were shades of something familiar that had temporarily escaped him until now. Upon staring more intently into his wavering reflection, Kouki gasped when he saw the image of the man he'd been trying to ignore. The dark lashes and contrasting icy gaze shadowed by golden bangs intensifying a pointed look of determination. The boy stumbled back, losing footing in the soft sand beneath him and choked on his own horror as he was swept off his feet by the current. Salt water had rushed to meet his spine and before he could take another breath the tip of his nose had already vanished beneath the surface.

Seconds slipped by before Kouki emerged and threw himself back upon drier sands, scrambling away from the shoreline in a gasping and coughing fit. As soon as he was able to crack his eyes open did he look around frantically trying to make sure no one else was there with him. His suspicions were correct; what he had seen was just a mere hallucination.

Kouki had thought that by staying as far away as possible from the source of his anxiety that he could truly escape anything related to their encounter. But he began to fearfully entertain the thought that maybe it was as Denji had said. The match, the badge, just their meeting on its own looked like a means to an end (the end of a journey) but it had also opened up the door to something else. Beyond that door was something he didn't think he could comprehend, things that he hadn't even experienced or probably knew much about. That uncertainty weighed on the teen as he lay hunched over, soaked and coated with white grains. He was afraid and his heart pulsed weakly like the faint glimmer of a dying star.

The precocious child didn't think he could step through that door because Denji was looking for something and Kouki was terrified at the possibility that he could be it. They had inexplicably drawn each other in. Some kind of painful longing had overcome his small frame, crashing in tumultuous waves upon the shores of his soul and through the internal cacophony of sound Kouki realized that the blonde had issued him a challenge of a different kind of nature.

And Kouki didn't think he could beat Denji this time. He was at the end of his line and in spite of what he was able to go through as a trainer, 14 was still different from 24. It was only a matter of seconds, minutes, or days (at most) until he sought out the other. Ticking hands bring about change. He just wasn't sure if it would be for the better or for the worst.


	2. A lost Wallet

+42. Lost wallet

AN

So, I guess shiet gets kind of real in this prompt lmao. Did something different using a violent kind of perspective on things. I had an idea and ran with it. Wasn't expecting things to turn out the way they did. Also this kid has some intense anxiety issues.

I tried to do something period and this came out…Believable or not idk *sobs* everyone in this fic fucks up big time, just so you know.

Actually, you know what; this whole attempt is fucked up. I was hoping to convey all kinds of little pitfalls in relationships and some behaviors people engage in, basically how fucked up things can get when shit goes wrong/there isn't clarity/lack of communication/repression of desires/infidelity/ irresponsible adults/adults who were fucked up to begin with engaging in further fucked up behavior that screws everyone else over- when more than platonic feels and insecurities are involved.

Writing this late at night *face in hands* ouhuhdghdf Why, why am I awake.

*pinches bridge of nose* this fic spiraled out of control.

Ok, and, inconsistent use of English Vs Japanese names because- aint nobody got time fo dat.

* * *

Cool wind carries the scent of aquamarine life and blows sand into his eyes, enough to make them water, the first time he visits Nagisa. The solar reliant city marks the pinnacle of gym battles for trainers who seek entrance into the league but dually serves as a unique tourist attraction that only adds to the already flourishing economy of the local area. Among the myriad of things Nagisa represents, for Kouki, it is his first time seeing the ocean.

The sand is warmer, more golden and abundant than the pale grains of powder he is used to back in Sandgem. It is sunnier, brighter, and the vast expense of sea is breathtakingly fresh. The teenager is glad that it is during the summery months of the year. He doesn't think everything around him would even be half as beautiful or bright in the winter. But the teen soon corrects himself because there is one thing in this city that he is sure is beautiful and bright all year round.

It is a person he sees in passing on a particularly long stretch of solar walkway. The short brunette had found a section that was particularly less traveled and stopped to admire the view around him when he'd caught sight a tall figure approaching from the opposite end.

Kouki doesn't know why but his palms shake. As rude as he knows it is to stare, the trainer can't look away and it is only when the man is less than five feet away that his breath catches in his throat. The boy's curiosity is poorly hidden but the man is too absorbed in himself to pay any attention to his surroundings let alone a youthful admirer.

His gait is leisurely, hands slipped into his jean pockets, and eyes pinned to the ground in thought. The sleek sky blue jacket he dons occasionally billows lightly in the sea breeze along with his wild sun colored hair.

Soon enough, the man brushes past him and the teen feels something like disappointment lodged within his chest. Kouki tries to say hello but the greeting dies on his lips; the man is already too far away.

A different day heralds another chance encounter with the man whom the teen later learns is actually Nagisa's eighth gym leader. He is at the beach this time, late in the afternoon and for some reason, there are not that many people. The blonde is crouched, holding sand in one palm, studying it carefully before he releases it back to the earth in a grainy stream that sparkles.

Standing a few feet away, Kouki watches silently, wondering what the gym leader's purpose is here at the beach when challengers need to surmount him for their final badge. It is only his second time seeing the blonde, but Kouki figures that Denji is someone who is awfully pensive. The far off look in the man's azure eyes gives the teen a feeling that this person's sights and dreams are the things he focuses on the most. The boy thinks that it must take a special kind of person to create things that will probably far outlast the life of the creator, to value progress and achievement and yet readily succumb to loss when trainers prove victorious over him in a match. The teen contents himself with wondering because the thought of asking makes him forget how to speak. Kouki stays rooted to his spot long after Nagisa's star has left.

A third encounter is an extreme moment of luck in his opinion. He happens upon a literal heated match between the shocking star and a member of the Elite Four. Denji's Luxray is pitted against a Houndoom. In the midst of his awe, Kouki feels another emotion surface and it tastes like longing. He thinks that it must be nice, wonderful even, to fight on a level where both trainers acknowledge each other as equals, with the idea that the other is clearly a worthy contender. And that was it, the boy realized. It was the idea of being worthy enough to be looked at, to be viewed on the same playing field. What an honor that must be and even more so with someone you admire. The spontaneous match between the two men had obviously drawn quite a crowd. Not only did the teen feel wistful at his incompetence when it came to battling, but he felt further dwarfed by the large sea of people, a majority of which were taller and older. By the time everyone has dispersed, Kouki doesn't know who won and the two contenders are nowhere in sight.

The fourth sighting happens on the way back from completing an errand for Nanakamado as Kouki stops by Nagisa. He is in no rush to organize piles of unkempt data pages. The professor doesn't demand his presence in the lab all the time; most of his work is done in the field anyways so he wanders into the lighthouse for the first time and wonders if it is this crowded on a regular basis. It's when he isn't paying attention that he has his face acquainted with the front side of another person who seems to be in a hurry. The brunette realizes that it is Denji who also offers no verbal exchange and merely takes a moment to look the boy over with a blank expression before taking off.

Kouki feels his cheeks burning as he stands there in a daze but his moment of peace is short lived when a hoard of gaudily dressed females shoves him out of the way, proceeding in the direction the gym leader has taken. The adolescent cringes when he figures out that Nagisa's celebrity has some very enthusiastic fans.

The teen remembered the first time the elite four member came up to him asking why "such a short shrimp like you hasn't challenged the eighth gym leader yet." Something about "you look like you have a lot of potential" and "the only way a person ever grows is through battle because regardless of the outcome, there's always something to be learned." The comment had made the teen a bit hot in the face and he hoped that Denji wasn't anywhere near by. Kouki was well aware of his own limits and the last thing he wanted to do was entertain the idea of humiliating himself in front of the blonde with a pokemon match. The teen had politely declined Oba's suggestion but the elitist only eyed him seriously for a moment before then proceeding to forcefully drag the teen by the arm towards Nagisa's gym.

It was quite a spectacle they both had made with shouts of "Please let me go! Stop! I'm not ready!" and "Nonsense! No! You'll do just fine, just give it a try!" With all their commotion Denji had actually ventured outside with annoyance written clear across his face when he spotted Oba. The fire specialist had gone stock still, talking through a toothy smile he'd greeted his childhood friend with a "Hey there pal! I brought you a new chal-AH! He bit me!" But Oba had been able to grab the teen by the collar even through his momentary shock. Kouki had straightened up real quickly and attempted a proper escape with the excuse that he actually had some errands to run and that he should really get going. Before the teen had left, he didn't miss the uncertainty etched into the blonde's face.

As their mostly one sided meetings grow, the brunette starts to believe that the man probably doesn't think much of their encounters at all. Of course, it makes sense that as an obvious admirer he would pick apart those moments and cherish them to an almost embarrassing extent. And it made even more sense for the highly publicized engineer slash gym leader to lump a majority of people together and not think much of them especially if most of what they did was fawn over him. The teen liked to think of himself as a bit different from everyone else in that regard but he wasn't so sure.

Happiness and contentment fill him whenever the blonde is in sight. Kouki relishes that one of the perks of being a trainer is the ability to go and stay in places for as long as he saw fit while accommodating his duties as a lab assistant, no questions asked. Most of the time. So how he spent his breaks was unrestricted.

Magnetic was the closest word he could think of to describe the attraction he felt to this person but the prospect of ever knowing how the interpersonal dynamics between them would play out was something he didn't yet have the courage for. Out of all the people he'd met so far in his short budding life, Nanakamado has commanded respect and authority from the adolescent.

Denji somehow instilled the fear of God in him.

Regardless, Kouki didn't think it much harm to harbor the things he felt. It's not like he acted on them and at the time he believed the best choice was playing the bystander. Time would eventually teach him how naïve it was to think for even a moment that he could enjoy this forever in the face of inevitable change.

It is during his nth encounter with the blonde, he doesn't know because he's lost track by now, that something seems off. And he feels it hit him in a subtle wave of nausea that gradually pulls him under once he confirms that his eyes are not playing tricks on him and that _yes_, Denji isn't "_alone"_ this time. But he doesn't understand it; he can't logically fathom the intricacies of something like this ever taking place or how it even happens. It eludes the scope of everything he's known so far and the teen freezes up because he realizes that he doesn't know because he's never tried.

He supposes the first sign would have been the fan club members stationed at different parts of the city he passes through that seem less cheerful than usual with hunched shoulders and sulking expressions. Their glamorous attitudes have been exchanged in favor of brooding over something. Soon enough, the teen finds out as he walks along a solar bridge, a shiny Luxray of his own trailing quietly beside him.

It is near dusk but very much like the first time there is a figure at the opposite end of the bridge. The teen feels his heart leap up into his throat but the moment he distinguishes that there are actually two figures walking side by side, all his hope falls into the pit of his stomach. It's not that cold out yet his hands feel like ice because he can see the wild fair haired locks and signature blue jacket but there is someone with an arm wrapped comfortably around Denji.

Kouki pauses in his walk and not long after the two do the same to lean forward onto the railing, shoulder to shoulder, chattering. The short brunette is thankful that they have not noticed his presence but it does nothing to buffer how disheartened and shocked he becomes when he can make out a soft smile on the man's face.

It dawns on the boy that the female is Suzuna of Kissaki City.

His lips form a thin and fragile line while watching the two specialists. Suzuna playfully lays her head onto the man's shoulder. Denji easily glides a hand down the small of her back. The teen wonders how long it's been going on. The stars are out by now and when the two adults turn to each other, their lips meet and Kouki looks away.

The gym leaders never notice the teen's presence and Kouki is left alone on the bridge a while after they have gone. The night sky is littered with sparkling gems and somehow the wind feels chilly. The boy questions the purpose of all the time he's spent here.

Before he leaves he notices something on the paneled walkway. It's a wallet and further perusal of the object reveals that the owner is none other than Suzuna. The expensive piece of material contains various credit cards, an ID, and tucked away in one pocket is a blue ring of plastic enclosed in transparent wrapping. Kouki's eyes dim and he takes a shaky step toward the direction of the gym.

Something overrides his normal sense of altruism once an idea crosses his mind and he falters. The opportunity is something that most probably will not present itself again. He doesn't know why he's going to entertain it, doesn't question his actions. He doesn't think about it period. Instead, he finally acts on a whim and soon the teen is rummaging around in his traveling pack for something specific. Procuring the instrument takes little effort and it is only a matter of time before he finishes the task of carefully perforating a particular blue piece of latex. Once finished, he tucks the material back into its wrapping so neatly it looks inconspicuous and places the tiny package back into Suzuna's wallet.

By the time the dark haired trainer reaches the gym, his pokegear reads a few minutes past 8 at night. He presses the doorbell twice in calm succession on the intercom panel and seconds later is met with a flushed looking Suzuna. Her hair is loose and she has a cheshire cat grin on her face. Kouki notices her shirt bow is missing and the first few buttons are undone.

"Why hello there, can I help you?" she says in a sing song voice.

The Sandgem trainer swallows down his emotions before plastering a gentle smile on his face, words of sweet politeness rolling off his tongue.

"Ah, miss Suzuna? I was just going for a stroll in the city and I came across this on one of the solar bridges. I think it belongs to you."

The gym leader gasps in surprise, responding with an "Oh my gosh! Thanks! You really saved me big time here. I knew I misplaced it somewhere but I didn't think I actually dropped it!"

The young brunette just continued smiling softly as the ice type leader looked through the wallet contents, sighing in relief before pausing on a particular item and blushing slightly. Swiftly she pulled the small piece of plastic out, snapped her wallet shut and smiled bashfully at the young trainer before her.

"You probably don't know what this is- and you're too young to know right now!- but if you hadn't found my stuff in the first place, I'd probably be screwed in more ways than one!"

The outgoing ice specialist proceeded to giggle to herself as if it were some _inside_ joke before promptly patting the boy on the head in thanks and retreating back inside.

Before the glass paneled door slid shut, a deeper tone had voiced "who was it?" From the other side, Suzuna had responded with a musical "oh, no one important, just a random solicitor."

Swallowing past the cold and shaky feeling inside him, Kouki departs, Luxray quietly trailing by its master's side the whole time. It is for hours that the boy finds himself meandering around the city in a blank state of mind before leaving the city altogether.

* * *

Precious, invaluable, inescapable time inevitably lapses. It is months later when Kouki decides to set foot inside Nagisa again. He travels to its heart and opts to try out a quaint café in a busy sector of town. He'd been sitting in a booth alone with a familiar feline beast curled up in the space next to him purring gently as he sipped on a mug of hot coco. He'd taken a window seat and mindlessly watched people briskly walk by in jovial spirits and lighthearted steps. The weather is much cooler now the days now bring with them the occasional fall of snow, the promise of warm seasonal beverages and all kinds of colorful treats of delight.

For the first time in a long time, he felt at peace but his quiet reverie was short lived when a particularly loud group of older girls crowded into the booth behind him talking in obnoxious tones. It was only when they mentioned a certain blonde gym leader in the same sentence with an ice type user that Kouki found his interest piqued. He stared into the surface of the warm beverage and found that even its hot temperature could not soothe the cold and clammy feeling that was surfacing again within him.

"I never expected the local media to catch on so fast, it's kind of crazy how things like that slip out…"said a much _too_ thin redhead before being interrupted by a wistful sounding blonde.

"Yeah I know what you mean… and it was only a little less than half a year ago that they started dating."

"You don't think they actually had _feelings_, for each other do you?" one brunette gushed.

"I don't know…I used to see them around town sometimes on the occasions that Suzuna came down to visit. At first I thought it was peculiar seeing her here alone of all places but one night I saw the two walking together, and get this-blondie was actually _smiling_ and_ laughing."_

"Yeah, but, I heard rumors before about her previous sexual escapades and overall she just doesn't seem like the type to just settle for one thing. She was probably just leading him on. I mean, who wouldn't want to tap his fine ass?"

The conversation continued on with exclaims and gasps of one thing or another and just like before, Kouki felt a repeat of that time months ago when his mouth felt as dry as sand paper and his throat seemed to be caving in on itself. He didn't register that his own hands were shaking and his Luxray had stopped purring and concentrated it's gaze on the weary expression of its master. The teen took a deep, shaky breath before focusing in on the conversation again.

"Man, it jus really _sucks_, though! I'd probably freak out and jump off a cliff if something like that ever happened to me!", an anxious flip of hair over a polished shoulder, " Arceus knows what that kind of condition can do to a woman's figure!"

"Dude, not only that, but all the press attention it received must have been ten times worse!"

"Man, forget about Suzuna! I never liked her anyway. She definitely was never worth Denji sama's time!"

Kouki inwardly cringed at the use of "sama". He ventured to guess that the girls behind him were part of the electric gym leader's local fanclub. Another female chimed in with even juicier bit of gossip.

"You know, come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I've ever seen Denji in a serious relationship. He's pretty private as it is already but him and Suzuna as a couple was a pretty open affair."

"Yeah, probably because Suzuna dragged him into it" muttered another. A different female spoke up in a thoughtful tone.

"Still, I wonder how genuine he felt or how much he played into it _because _of that ice user."

"Are you suggesting that Denji only did it just for the sake of doing it?"

"Well yeah, I mean, isn't that why people date? Just to try things out and see if you like the person or not? It's not like he'd date anyone below his league either so he probably might have just been humoring ice queen. Love is a completely different matter altogether though. And given what happened and both their reactions I think it was obvious that their", air quotes, "-relationship- was anything but loving."

Kouki felt something drop into the pit of his stomach and a feeling of dread washed over him. He didn't necessarily regret what he'd done back then, but the teen supposed the feeling was more like anticipation, waiting to find out what actually happened as a result of that one choice he'd made. He also couldn't deny that he felt a little nauseated at the mental images of the couple surfacing in his mind.

"Woah, wait, can we do a recap on what happened exactly? Because the only thing I was able to understand was what the mags and press quoted on that one witness from the abortion clinic."

A few moments rolled by in silence until an audible sigh resounded around the table. Kouki straightened his back and could feel the hairs on the nape of his neck standing up as one female spoke in a low tone.

"Sometime during the beginning of their relationship, Suzuna had gotten pregnant but wasn't even aware of it until months later when, you know, things were starting to become obvious. By the time she suspected something was wrong and confirmed it, she blew up in Denji's face and blamed him for it. Blondie argues back calling ice queen a liar because he'd supposedly been responsible where using contraceptives was concerned. Denji had obviously been suspicious about Suzuna's previous relationships and questioned her fidelity throughout the time they had been seeing each other, even if it was for, _get this, _mutually agreed upon physical purposes."

A female with a rather soft spoken voice verbalized her thoughts saying "wow…I guess it wasn't love after all" but emitted a loud "ouch!" One of the other girls had slapped her on the arm snapping back in slight annoyance with "of course it wasn't love! Our blondie would never fall for such trash! Don't care if she is a gym leader!" The red head watched the brief exchange before continuing.

"As for who even initiated the whole thing in the first place, that's something I have yet to find out. Ice queen however, blamed Denji for the whole mess so she tried to get rid of "it" on her own. The couple was already receiving some amount of local publicity on their activities before the whole mess so I guess it's to be expected that so much info would be revealed and spread around when this incident came up. It didn't help matters that the bulk of that argument took place in the lighthouse where a few others may or may not have been eavesdropping on the two."

A brunette quickly added her two cents saying "yeah, I mean as part of his fan club, a certain amount of spying and reconnaissance was already being done, though, I can only vouch for myself and a few others in that we would never use it to purposely harm anyone's reputation, well someone of importance anyway. It's concerning that some guy at the clinic violated patient confidentiality by coming forward with information on why ice queen was even there in the first place. That's probably what really blew the whole thing out in the open."

Several of the other girls gave wistful sighs before the red head who was originally speaking continued further.

"Most of the controversy and media coverage seemed to focus on Suzuna's….abortion. There was concern about "fetal viability" and the long length of time that had already passed before she even did anything about it. A lot of people were outraged that the ice leader did something so "horrible". Brought in the whole debate of pro life versus pro choice and it devolved into an ugly mess."

The previous soft spoken girl once again followed up with a "Gosh, I wonder how Denji was fairing throughout the whole ordeal. Must have been a huge emotional burden to have to not only put up with a partner who might have had infidelity issues but also coming to terms with the prospect of being a _father _sounds mind blowing. The press coverage must have only added even more stress."

At this point, Kouki's breaths were coming in shallow, rapid wheezes. He couldn't feel his fingers and he was pretty sure the half consumed chocolate beverage was cold by now. Luxray was becoming concerned for its master and periodically would nuzzle her face into the trainer's side in an attempt to calm the boy down. The cerulean haired teen could only quietly hyperventilate in his seat and was vaguely aware of the subtle tremors coursing through his body. Strangely enough, throughout everything, he still did not regret what he'd done. But he had to wonder if given the possibility that Suzuna was a non committed type of person, then did his actions really contribute to the nasty situation he was hearing about? In some dark corner of his mind, the young teen hoped so.

The conversation between the group of girls continued and the question on everyone's mind was finally voiced by a female with muddy brown colored hair.

"What I want to know though, is if the thing Suzuna was carrying was actually Denji's…unborn..ch-..." but the preppy nineteen year old couldn't finish the last part.

Her words had been spoken in a hushed tone and after the female had trailed off, a long period of silence seemed to descend upon the girls. Quietly, the group's most informed member and only red head added the conversation's last bits and pieces of information.

"…actually, I heard that Suzuna had gotten rid of "it" before anyone could find out who the father was. She had the procedure done outside of Sinnoh so I guess it's not surprising that someone questioned her presence as a non native and shed light on what she was doing. After the argument between the two leaders, she also had neglected to inform Denji or anyone of her plan to dispose of the problem. The electric user had actually been the one to call off their "meetings" but still felt it important to sort out the truth in everything. There might not have been any real feelings between the two but I think out of the both of them, Denji was crushed the most by her decision. Now, that man will be consumed for the rest of his life wondering if the child was his or not."

Before any of the girls could respond with their own sentiments and thoughts involving the two respective gym leaders, they had suddenly been pulled out of their imaginary bubble of gossip to stare at the small teen the next table over who'd stood up abruptly. With shaky hands and a down cast face he shoved an arm through the loop of his traveling pack, quickly ushering his electric feline out of the seat before leaving the booth entirely. The group of primped up females looked on in slight curiosity and confusion at the boy that passed them in an obvious rush to the café's exit. A little bell chimed signaling the departure of the young trainer and the girls were once again immersed into their little world.

_"Yeah, so did you guys hear about the latest thing involving the former Champion, of all people? Something about a protection order involving a young female trainer from futaba town…"_

Once outside, Kouki hadn't slowed his frantic strides away from the shop. It was getting too claustrophobic in there and he was pretty sure if he had stayed any longer, he'd have probably turned an unhealthy shade of blue. The snowy climate didn't help the frequent bouts of shaking he was still experiencing and it only served to put him more on edge. He refused to make eye contact with anyone on the streets and sidewalks. Most people that passed him were adults, towering over him with their height, their smiling and carefree faces overshadowing his pale expression.

Luxray was treading through the snow covered pavement along side him, choosing to keep quiet but only out of relentless concern for the boy's mental well being. Named "Ray" for short, the feline had realized that it was best to give her master enough "emotional" space whenever he got like this. Pestering him with meows only seemed to increase his stress levels and provoke the boy into shoving his problems under the rug once he realized his anxiety was affecting others around him.

Kouki had forgotten to take his red velvet hat out of his pack and shivered occasionally because of its absence but did not bother to stop and pull it back on. The snow puffs that ended up in his hair would melt into tiny cold drops that would dampen his dark locks. He sneezed a few times as he made his way past decorative display windows, brightly lit shops, and through a sea of warmly clad people carrying on a million conversations of delight in spite of the chilly weather. The liveliness of the city's evening bustle was jolly and warm however the lithe teen felt anything but.

By walking away, the trainer was hoping to keep everything that happened behind him. Everything he had overheard in the café was just a part of his imagination because it was surreal to think something he'd done could ever change the lives of two people to such an extent. After about thirty minutes of wandering down busy streets and across iced over solar bridges the tormented boy realized that his legs had carried him towards the last place on earth that he'd ever wanted to visit. He wasn't ready to face the possibility that he had indeed played a part in causing someone a large amount of pain, stress, and possibly suffering. And it wasn't just anyone that he had done this to, but it was a person he'd first come to admire deeply. Maybe even obsessively. Or perhaps a part of him was sadistic when it came to this man. Maybe a part of him wanted to see the damage done, the living proof that he possibly had altered the other's life in some way, that he had somehow inadvertently left his mark.

Kouki stood there, frozen to his spot a few feet away from the wide double door entrance of Nagisa's gym. He could feel his chest rising and falling in shallow, fast bursts. This was it. This was the place where _that _person dwelled and the boy disbelievingly felt his heart tremble as his brain automatically dredged up memories of the not so distant past. Images danced across the forefront of his mind, fresh with the scent of a warmer breeze, a sunset glow dancing across summer kissed skin, electric blue eyes that never seemed to spare him a glance, of quiet but short conversations that always left something to be desired, and a star filled evening of a man enjoying the company of someone that wasn't him.

Moments passed and the short teen remained rooted in the snow with a heart of ice. He ran a parched tongue over cold, chapped lips and realized that his arms and legs were still trembling. A cool breeze picked up and swept through his cobalt, almost black, hair. He didn't know how long he stood there contemplating the very existence and purpose of the doors in front of him. So lost in the black void of his thoughts was he that the soft crunch of snow under a gradually approaching person did not register in his senses. It wasn't until he could feel a nearby source of radiating warmth that the boy realized this individual was standing _too _close. Kouki's pupils had widened in internal panic to the point where his vision almost went white and he prayed that the person next to him wasn't who he thought it might be.

But fate had other plans that evening and as the teen gave a soft, anxiety laced exhale, a firm but warm hand found its way to his shoulder, giving a light squeeze. The normally disarming gesture made Kouki even more rigid and he was overtaken by a sudden urge to bolt from the area and run back the direction he'd come. But no, he couldn't do that. It might make him seem guilty and it would surely plant some seed of suspicion. So he stood there, stock still and listened to the soft, low tone of the words that reached his ears.

"Well now…I haven't seen you and that distinguishable white scarf in quite some time. It's cold out here so why don't you come inside. You're _shivering._"

Before Kouki could even catch a glimpse of the other's face, the taller male had already moved past him. The teen was only able to stare at the blonde's backside before he had disappeared through the glass paneled sliding doors. The short trainer reluctantly recalled Ray back into her pokeball before hesitantly following suit, gradually becoming weighed down by a sense of dread with every step he took.

Kouki noticed for the first time how dark the inside of the gym actually was. Even around this time in the evening the infrastructure would be brightly lit from the inside with white fluorescence that was normally easily visible through the glass paned doors. Just like the pokemon center the gym entrances in any city shown like a beacon of light, allowing trainers and passing tourists to gravitate towards the constant fixtures in the night. But right now, the interior was anything but, not even the gentle thrum of machinery and electrical pulses could be heard. Everything seemed to be asleep, covered in a thin layer of dust. He couldn't see beyond a certain point, everything laid shrouded in a quiet kind of empty darkness.

"This way." A faint echo a few meters to his right was accompanied by the slow creak of metallic hinges. Kouki quickly followed after the retreating blonde, some emotion beginning to eat at the edges of his nerves. Venturing past the door, the teen pulled it closed behind him and peered up at a dimly lit and narrow stairway access leading upwards. The teen took a moment to notice the tritium exit sign glowing faintly with rich neon green that contrasted with the dusky red color of the bulbs used to illuminate the corridor.

The gym leader's rhythmic and hollow footfalls upon the metal staircase echoed in the confined space and in spite of the man's leisurely gait, Kouki almost felt unnerved and out of place. He'd gone up several flights of steps rounding corners but each time only barely catching the silhouette of the man disappearing around another.

At one point, the trainer had stopped, pale hand gripping onto smooth railing as he peered back down a previous flight. If inky black shadows had eyes, he was sure their gaze would be glued to him right now. Continuing his ascent, the teen could not shake off a feeling of something cold and wet crawling its way up his spine.

By the time Kouki had made it up the stairwell, he'd gotten lost down a tiled hallway and managed to come upon a large lacquered door that sat slightly ajar. He'd paused before finally entering noticing how warm and spacious the revealed living area was. Slipping off his traveling pack he called after the gym leader not seeing him anywhere in sight. Receiving no answer, the brunette walked in further before removing his shoes and laying his thick coat over the arm rest of a plush white sofa. Clad only in a flimsy red sweater, black jeans, and white scarf that hung loosely around his neck, the teen proceeded to wander across the room towards a wide sliding glass door. On the other side a balcony was present with a vista Kouki surely knew was probably breathtaking if he ventured a peek. But evening had somehow rolled in bringing with it the awakening glimmer of stars and plummeting temperatures.

Under more normal circumstances, the brunette would have been elated at the fact that he'd been able to spend even this short amount of time in the presence of the other man, let alone even be invited up to his living quarters. But this wasn't under normal circumstance and the teen frowned in thought, wondering what any of this really was. Any kind of joy or awe that would have filled him was absent as he considered the reality that "normal circumstance" never would have allowed him to come this close to Denji at all.

Kouki remembered all his previous (and pathetic) attempts at trying to garner any kind of attention from the older male whether it was a simple glance in acknowledgement, an actual conversation beyond small observations in the weather, or even an actual match. But that last one proved out of the question. Kouki remembered not even having taken 2 steps into the gym for the very first time and the blonde had immediately confronted him with "kid, I can tell just by looking that you aren't ready for me".

The brunette learned quickly that Nagisa's gym leader had a low tolerance when it came to incompetent challengers. The man viewed them as a waste of time on his part when he clearly could be doing something more productive. After witnessing a trainer lose quickly to the stoic blonde, Kouki had cringed internally when the man had criticized the challenger saying that if they couldn't size up their opponents and prep for the situation this far in the game then they should give up being a trainer and just go home. Another similar situation had provoked the blonde into verbally lashing out yet again at a different trainer with a matter of fact "if I was able to wipe the floor with you today, what makes you think the league won't crush you like the bug you are?"

The short brunette had no idea how Jun and Hikari were able to easily breeze past Nagisa's gym leader. Sure, Kouki was part of the trio that helped take down Team Galactic but he was merely an assistant and he supposed that Denji was right about him. The thin teen accepted the fact that he probably wasn't good enough, wasn't worth the other man's time. After all, it was probably why no one, including the 8th gym leader ever bothered to give the teen the time of day.

Before his thoughts could become any more depressing, a sudden, loud clink of material took the brunette by surprise. Turning around, he was finally met with the image of the 24 year old placing down a second steaming cup of dark green liquid upon a polished coffee table situated in front of one of the sofas. Kouki finally took in the appearance of the blonde in front of him who stood clad in a long sleeved, white v-neck sweater and tight dark wash jeans. Deep cerulean irises locked on to a paler than normal pair of icy blue.

At first it didn't seem like the man had changed much. His normally wild hair was matted down in some places no doubt still damp from the outside snowfall. But upon taking a closer look, the boy finally caught on to the tired and listless gaze, the subtle lines of stress and sleepless nights gently etched into soft skin, and how the distinguishable (and just a few centimeters longer than usual) sideburns framed the sides of his face.

Finally taking a seat on the sofa cushion, Denji interrupted the silence with a simple "come and sit" as he patted the space beside him. Obediently, the brunette sauntered over and took his place next to the man. The boy absentmindedly rubbed his arms in silence as he stared at the porcelain mug in front of him.

"It's green tea with a few drops of honey. Drink it while it's still hot, it should warm you up." The taller blonde spoke softly, taking a sip from his own.

A few minutes passed by in silence and even though Kouki found the blend somewhat relaxing it didn't soothe how fast his heart was racing.

"Thank you" was the shaky, but quiet response he offered back in gratitude for the man's hospitality.

After a few moments, the electric user cleared his throat and set his cup down with a resounding clack upon the table. Clasping his hands together the older male trained his gaze onto the polished wooden surface before speaking carefully.

"Do you…remember what I said to you the first time you set foot into my gym?"

Shifting in his spot, the teen peered into the surface of his beverage, responding with an "..ehm…yes.."

"Good. Repeat it.", came the command.

Kouki carefully adjusted the cup in his hands. The pads of his fingers burned but somehow his chest felt like it was filled with ice cubes.

"You said…that you could tell just by looking at me that I wasn't ready for you."

"mhm, yes, that's correct", Denji paused before adding, "and what did you do right after I said that to you?"

"…I said ok, sorry to bother you and then I left the gym."

"Mhm…yes, you did", was the agreement. The blonde briefly sucked on the inside of his cheek in thought before leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees for a moment. Shamelessly, he turned to stare at the rigid boy beside him.

"Kouki. Did you ever stop to think about what I actually meant by that phrase?"

The brunette frowned into his tea as confusion surfaced within him. He licked his lips before honestly replying.

"I thought you meant that I didn't look strong, or didn't seem ready enough to challenge you in a match. Sometimes I watch-…er, I've heard you tell challengers often that they're a waste of time when they can't put up a decent fight against you and end up losing. Even when some challengers win and you congratulate them on earning your badge, you have this deadpanned expression and your words have this hint of sarcasm like you still think they don't have what it takes to take on the league." The thin teen quietly thumbed the rim of his cup thinking about what else he could have missed.

Gaze still trained on the boy, Denji spoke. "Huh, wow. That's some observation of yours…"

Kouki felt his face burn in shame but said nothing, allowing the other to continue.

"The way you interpreted what I said is understandable…but not the way I was hoping for. Also…Even if that was how you originally perceived those words, I wasn't telling you to leave."

The brunette crossed his legs and fingered the cup in his palms even harder; his mind racing a thousand miles a minute not comprehending what the leader was trying to get at. Kouki bit his lip and stared at the carpeted flooring.

'ah..i see…he was issuing a silent kind of challenge…' the boy thought before parting his lips.

"well…it still came across as a warning of sorts."

"ah, yes, there we go. Getting warm." the man had said shifting in his seat. Kouki only shrugged his shoulders after a few more seconds of thought. Just being around the older male made it feel like he just swallowed glass.

Denji "hmmed" before adding, "well here, let me help you out a bit by putting things into perspective. But first…"

The man had abruptly stood from his seat and strode over to the still slightly open door of the apartment. He shut it firmly and Kouki felt a surge of panic rise within him seeing the man secure the locks a bit too forcefully. The teen had haphazardly slapped his mug of tea on the coffee table before scrambling to stand up, slowly backing away to create space between himself and the man before him. Denji swiftly turned around and pinned the boy with a heated look before advancing. Kouki fought to control his breathing and schooled his features into a blank expression. The last thing he wanted to do was let on to how intimidated he felt. Again, their gazes met and as Denji carefully closed the distance between them, the trainer became more cognizant of just how tall the blonde really was.

"Sit down." was the calm and quiet command.

Balling his fists, the teen replied with a firm "No."

"I said _sit down-"_

"And I said no! I'm not a dog!" came the juvenile shout.

Denji lightly grit his teeth, eyes glinting with the stirrings of something dark.

"Really now? Are you sure about that?"

Kouki ignored the remark.

"How come you locked the door?"

"Maybe because I don't want anyone interrupting what you and I are going to talk about." Denji hissed.

Kouki swallowed, feeling like someone had dumped a bucket of ice slush down his back. His legs suddenly felt like jelly and a blanket of dread settled over his nerves but still, he held his head high for his own sake.

"Well, what _did _you want to talk about then?" the teen boldly ventured against his better judgment.

The amount of sass that had unintentionally slipped into his question earned the boy a sudden and violent shove against a wall. The back of his head colliding with the flat surface sounded with a loud bang and emitted a gasp from the brunette. Pain and shock flooded his senses and after a few moments the teen opened his eyes and was met with the dark, feral blue of the other's. Kouki choked on his own saliva in an attempt to dive to the side but the man tightly fisted the scarf around his neck, effectively holding the boy in place. Even after a few moments had passed, the teen said nothing as he regained control of his own breathing, hands eventually giving up their tugging on the man's relentless grip. Lips drawn in a sour line, he bitterly focused his gaze on anything but the person restraining him.

One of the few people he had admired most was finally giving him more attention than he had ever dreamed of but it wasn't the kind he'd hoped for. Kouki realized he'd been a tool to his own emotions, a fool to think, to even _hope, _that this person would see him in a different light. He was 14; he had no worth or value in adult affairs. He was just an assistant, a little boy. He couldn't look the other man in the eyes, so he listened instead.

"Before any of this happened, I met someone who changed the way I saw myself. In this person, I saw everything I used to be. But I had a purpose. I carved that sense of meaning out for my life but that kind of self worth was something I didn't really see in them. It was something they lacked."

"And every time they were around, every time I saw them, I wanted to know why. This person was young and naïve and yet they were still able to do amazingly kind things, great things that they of all people should have given themselves credit for, but never did. In spite of what I've seen them go through, they remained scared and quiet on the inside, masking those insecurities and avoiding confrontation with politeness on the surface."

Denji paused, observing the look of confusion on the other's face before continuing.

"Unlike the other two people in this trio that they were a part of, this person, this _child, _had no desire for rank or status. So, never mind why this boy came to my city, but why did he choose to _stay so long?_"

Denji unconsciously had removed his hand from the other's white scarf and proceeded to gently thumb the boy's bottom lip.

"I've had my eye on you for a long time. I don't think you can fathom the guilt and self loathing I had then in trying to accept this unnatural fascination I felt."

Denji narrowed his eyes, noticing the subtle flinch in the other. Kouki gave the man a retort of his own.

"So you're saying that not only could you not stand the fact that something about me attracted you, but you also think it's "unnatural".

Denji winced before clarifying, "Do you think it's perfectly okay for someone like me to lust after a kid almost half my own age?"

Once again, confusion and even fear shot through Kouki's features. "I don't understand…", but the elder had temporarily dismissed the verbal concern.

"Just listen to me and answer my questions. By the end of this, you should be able to fit things together."

A slow and shallow pace characterized the respirations of the young trainer and a wave of nausea swept over him as he waited for the inevitable topic to come up.

Slipping both hands into his side pockets, Denji glared down at the brunette, "I'm sure you're aware of what happened. I'm not going to beat around the bush or walk on eggshells just because you're still 14. You're considered an adult already as a trainer." The blonde paused and spoke his next words deliberately, "I'm also holding you responsible as one."

_'Especially if you like poking into the business of other adults'_ was the added afterthought.

Kouki rested his gaze on the man's left wrist watch, focusing on the smooth tone of the other's voice.

"I never pegged you as the type to prank people by perforating their condoms."

Immediately, blue irises met each other's. The brunette feigned a slightly offended expression through his internal panic.

"What makes you think I would do something like that? What makes you think that I was even a part of this whole situation?"

As soon as the teen finished his sentence, he found himself forced back into the wall once again.

"That's what I want to hear from _you_!" Denji hissed. "Even if I can't be sure about anything else with everything that happened, I still want to be sure about _you."_

Kouki only stares right back and he is glad that his palms are at his side because they are shaking.

"I want you to tell me the truth. There are so many factors that play into what happened, there's no doubt about it. But I remembered almost everything about that night, even down to the doorbell ringing and the description Suzuna later gave about the person who had found her _wallet._ So at the very least, I want to hear what _you _have to say."

The teen was quiet and thoughtful for a few moments before opening his suddenly dry mouth. "What about Suzuna? Or anyone else? I know close to nothing about what really went on in your relationship, so how come you're focusing on me?"

The blonde's expression harbored a tinge of annoyance. "I don't really have to grace you with a decent response right now because you're not even in a position to be asking questions. Do you think I would purposely burden myself like this? Do you think she would do the same?"

Kouki swallowed thickly before meekly answering. "Alright… but how do you even know if she did or didn't have any kind of other physically intimate relations with people immediately before seeing you or even _while _seeing you? You're just going to take her word for it?"

Denji glared at the boy for a few moments. "That's true, and fidelity was always an underlying issue, but it is in any type of relationship. However, just think about it. Given her track record, that I'm sure is more than just gossiped about, and the fact that most people our age aren't exactly celibate, something must be said for never having made a mistake like this up until now."

"Well, there's a first time for everything" the young brunette quipped. "Also, I don't know how careful either of you really are if you both don't check for punctured condoms."

A few more moments passed by in silence and Kouki was surprised his remarks didn't earn him another shove backwards. He kept staring at the silver belt on the man's waist so he couldn't make out what the blonde's expression was. He didn't want to either and continued on a softer note.

"Also, how do you know that subsequent physical intimacy with her after that time didn't lead to-"

But Denji was paying rapt attention. "Because the only time we ever engaged in actual intercourse was the night you found her wallet. I decided to keep everything after that strictly oral."

Kouki immediately snapped his mouth shut and fought off a sudden wave of dizziness at the fact that he was having this conversation with someone almost twice his age. With a straight face, the brunette desperately tries to push down the unexplainable hurt and jealousy he feels at the man's confession. Somewhere in him is a frothing mixture of self loathing. Kouki thinks of himself as just a little bit insane for wanting something more than platonic with a person of the same gender whom was also at the other end of a rather large age gap. Brought out of his thoughts, he listens to Denji carry on.

"Even after finding out there was a problem, I trusted Suzuna's word when she had told me she wasn't pregnant. It's not like we saw each other every day and I found out she lied about it only when she had finally confronted me- which was obviously after much time had passed."

The blonde had clenched his jaw a few times in noting that the brunette appeared indifferent to everything. That the kid found his belt line more interesting at the moment was almost infuriating.

"She knew the whole time but was _afraid_ of what it meant. She lied because she was in _denial_. And when we finally have that conversation, she is in hysterics. Everything up until that point was fooling around. When she had calmed down enough to recall anything we did that was questionable over the duration of our relationship, the only time she could recall was the first night. She finally admitted to skipping out on taking a pregnancy test at first because she thought I was just being paranoid. I remember someone had been at the door that evening and when I asked, _you_ fit the description she gave." Denji breathed, trying to drive home a point with his next words.

"Do you have any idea what Suzuna would do to you if she found out that you contributed to this?"

"She'd _kill you, _Kouki, she'd probably snap your neck in half. Do you understand? Do you even know what either of us separately had to go through? I told her that the condom had possibly broken, I didn't tell her there was a decent, symmetrical sized hole in it that might have been made intentionally by someone else."

When the boy still did not meet his gaze or say anything, Denji gave a scoff and decided to bait him.

"You're so god damn selfish, you know that? I never pegged you as a prankster that got off on ruining other people's lives. Just what would possess you to do such a thing?"

It worked because finally the kid snapped his eyes up to meet the blonde's and ground out his own thoughts with spite.

"You wouldn't know what to peg me as in the first place because you hardly know anything about me. I haven't even given you a definite answer yet but you're so sure that I had something to do with this, rather, it's like you want it to be me. But you don't know and if you clearly did then you obviously wouldn't be asking me these things, would you now?" Kouki pointedly glared at the other who only frowned with distaste. Seeing the blonde say nothing, the trainer finished.

"You tell me that I'm in no position to ask questions and yet you demand an answer from me."

Denji only gave an abrupt, half hearted laugh and glanced to the side to briefly consider something.

"If you want out so badly you can just tell me you had nothing to do with this. Set my anxieties at ease. It's not like I haven't had people try to get back at me for one reason or another before but never like this, only because I've never given someone enough room for it. Just who the hell does this though?" the leader looks him pointedly in the eyes.

"What could a _responsible _fourteen year old have against me?" A moment of silence rolls by before he finishes with "I'm pretty sure it was you."

Denji was perceptive. He obviously wouldn't have come this far as a gym leader if he wasn't. Kouki didn't doubt they both knew what the answer was but he wasn't going to admit to anything just yet. Ignoring what the blonde had said, the teen tried to buy some time (and some explanations) by redirecting the conversation.

"At least tell me this. What did you even need Suzuna for in the first place?" Seeing the way the man's eyes had sparkled, an expression flitting across the blonde's face as if he'd figured something out made the teen slightly regret picking this path. In a hushed tone, Denji stated his answer.

"A distraction."

"A distraction from what?" the teen prods but the stoic man's lips remain unmoving. He simply stares, a bit too intently for the brunette's comfort.

By now, silence has proven itself a great companion to all the long pauses and lapses in their words. Emotional exhaustion makes itself known within the teen and impatience rears its head in the form of annoyance. Kouki repeats himself.

"A distraction from what? Because if you really needed to be distracted from something so badly, you could have at least found someone more responsible and better suited for that. Regardless of what I did, it boils down to two adults who don't know how to face their problems."

Denji's composure somewhat slips and he speaks through almost bared teeth because anger is that prominent beneath his surface.

"I'm not going to waste my time dwelling over what ifs. What you fail to understand is that I would have gladly gone to the source of my problems if I knew they could handle it. If I knew then what I know now, I would have gladly done so. But what you don't _know_ is that if I had, I would have shamelessly acted on any desires and wants with abandon."

"Ok…" Kouki breathes as he digests the information. After a short pause he continues.

"What was it exactly that you felt was so important to distance yourself from? Or protect? What was it that you felt so conflicted over that you sought an alternate form of distraction from and made you believe that ignoring it was better than confronting it?"

Denji hesitates, eyes gleaming before he responds viciously.

"**_You_**_."_

Shock streaks across the brunette's features and Kouki is the epitome of pure confusion. His logical schema falls apart. Somehow they have come full circle but the young trainer still does not register everything his brain has collected.

"I must have missed something because I still don't underst-"

But the teen finds himself slammed with more force this time against the wall and the back of his head has collided with it so many times he wonders if it's why he can't think straight. His vision goes blurry this time and the man's deep voice fills his ears.

"_You_. Do you realize how much torment you've caused me? After that night you left and took your precious time before deciding to show your face again. I thought it was suspicious already. Maybe it's a good thing that I'll never really have a definitive answer but this, everything, started because of **You**. Then the fact still stands that you made a decision and acted on it and I'm holding you to a level of accountability because you decided to fuck with me. If I wasn't currently focusing on hanging onto the last shred of self control that is within my grasp, I'd have you bent over my dining table while I tore your ass to shreds."

The teen registers the blatant threat of bodily harm but is too flooded with a sudden rush of fear that it goes momentarily ignored and unaddressed. He doesn't want to draw attention to it on the chance that asking the man to elaborate on any of what was said would provoke the blonde into acting that last part out.

"If I'm such a thorn in your side, then why did you really invite me in?"

"Because I haven't seen you since that night." Denji replies in a level tone still laced with hidden fury.

"Shouldn't it continue to be that way if I frustrate you so much?"

"Oh, you frustrate me like you wouldn't believe" Denji mutters. "After all that's happened I needed closure. I need some kind of answer from someone who wasn't going to _lie _to me for once. I _wanted_ to see you again."

The teen opens his mouth but his tongue cannot curve over letters and his voice has been ripped away. Instead, the boy looks back to the floor, realizing that the intensity of Denji's gaze somehow makes his skin burn.

"And there you were, standing outside in the snow…You came. Maybe now…you're ready. Maybe now, just like you said, I should address this properly."

When the man's words had trailed off, Kouki swallowed thickly.

"Denji, a lot of what you're saying isn't clear to me. How come you can't just be thorough and say what happened in the order they-"

"Because! I don't fucking _remember_ exactly when everything happened. Some, but not all. Do you have any idea what it's been like these past few months? I don't even know if what is happening between us right now is real or if I'm just hallucinating, if you're just a figment of my imagination conjured up from stress."

Taken aback by the gleam in the man's eyes, the trainer chokes on his next words. "I still don't follow! You tell me I'm somehow the cause for something before you two even got together? Before I even actually did anything on purpose? But I also know that what I did could have caused Suzuna's slip up… But not only am I somehow responsible for what happened after you two got together but also beforehand?!" The boy allows himself a few rapid breaths before closing his eyes in concentration, as if doing so would help him more clearly visualize the pathway to the answer of the logic puzzle that was Denji.

"Not only that, you tell me that I make you frustrated and that you're pissed at me for what I did because I possibly aided in the huge amount of drama you two went through and ok, I get that? But you still wanted to see me?" Kouki opens his eyes and Denji sees in them a desperation for a still more clearly cut solution and the gym leader obliges him.

"What I told you the first time you set foot inside my domain… The way you interpreted it as meaning you were weak. In a sense you are. You're young, naïve, inexperienced. Too much so for the things I have in mind. For the things I wanted to do to you. And don't play stupid. I've seen the way you look at me and follow me around. I have my suspicions but I want to hear you confirm them."

The brunette could no longer buy any more time for himself. Denji's presence alone was too intimidating and scrutinizing to attempt weaseling a way out of answering. Throughout their whole conversation, both parties had essentially been dancing around the more obscure parts of their reasoning and behavior. This time though, Kouki found he did not have the energy to right out confess let alone look the man in the eyes while doing so. The thought of being laid bare in front of someone who could take those feelings and rip them to shreds was horrifying. The idea that the gym leader could inflict that pain ten fold persuaded the teen into keeping his mouth clamped shut because he also could not find it in himself to lie. But Nagisa's shining, shocking star wanted an answer.

"Kouki, what was the reason for concerning yourself with my affairs, hmm?"

The boy breathes despairingly, letting nervousness crawl past the strong façade he's worked so hard to build. Denji is catching on, getting closer to the truth, closer to pulling it out of him. He's at the doorstep.

_'But do I want to let him in?'_

Forgoing eye contact, Kouki wistfully, achingly speaks.

"The reason is not obvious? All the times I seek you out? Watch your matches? Make attempts to talk to you? You just said it yourself, that you have suspicions. Whatever they are, I'm going to venture to say they're correct."

Unbeknownst to the young trainer, Denji's heart is beating wildly under his controlled exterior. The man is close to losing it, moments away from snapping.

"I want to hear you say it." is the rushed and _almost _desperate command.

But with trembling shoulders and an averted gaze, Kouki presses his lips even harder into a thin line.

"Say it!" the blonde's voice slightly cracks at the end. He forces the boy to face him and within seconds their lips are sealed together. Kouki gasps into the contact but it is swallowed by the other.

"I said No!" the youth cries out loud after pulling back far enough. Mustering enough strength, Kouki breaks away and bypasses the taller male in a frantic attempt at escape.

The teen only makes it past the coffee table before he is yanked backward viciously by the collar. He loses balance and ends up being slammed into the polished wood of the elegant piece of furniture, the tea mugs flying off the surface spilling their contents. Denji towers over him with a strange mixture of emotion in his eyes.

"Part of it is because…you were jealous, weren't you."

It is a statement, not a question, and Kouki doesn't deny it. The blonde is somehow elated at his own realization. Minutes roll by like clouds in a summer sky and all they can hear is each other's breathing.

Tears finally spill from the boy's eyes as he shakily sits upright to preserve what little is left of his dignity and leave. Denji doesn't let him. Instead he yanks the boy onto the soft floor and pins his arms above his head.

"I should punish you for what you did. If not for tampering with that contraceptive, then for leaving, for running away."

With a free hand, Denji reaches down the lithe teen's torso, undoing the sole button on the boy's pants. Easily, he hooks two fingers inside and pulls the black garment down just a few inches to expose pale skin. A soft whine reaches his ears but the leader ignores it in favor of pulling the hem of the teen's shirt up more. The blonde absentmindedly thumbs the boy's hip in thought. His next words are mocking and to Kouki, they're heartless.

"You know, when I fucked her, I couldn't help but imagine it was you instead. Maybe it's only fair that when I screw you, I imagine it's her. Would you like that? Suzuna?" the blonde mouths gently into the teen's cheek.

Kouki feels his heart shatter at the man's words and a fresh wave of tears bursts forth from the brunette in full blown sobs. Filled with anger and regret, the teen begins to struggle once more under the larger male in a futile attempt. This isn't how he wanted it to be. The grief, regret, and pain overwhelm the petite trainer causing him to uncontrollably hyperventilate through the cascade of emotions. Suddenly the man's name spills from the brunette's lips like a mantra in rhythm with his increasingly fast respirations.

"denji…denji…denji…" and it's all that fills the blonde's senses aside from the gasps for air the boy takes under him. The blonde decides that the guilt and pining the boy had most likely gone through was enough of a punishment already and figures it best to stop before the teen slips into complete hysterics.

Gently he grazes the teen's temple with his lips, ushering a quiet "hush" into the boy's heated skin. He trails his lips down to the youth's neck and places slow and firm kisses against a racing carotid pulse. The brunette's breathing seems to slow down a notch but the action elicits a particularly strong moan of his name from the trainer and Denji shakily wonders if it is ok to lose control.

Everything that was transpiring between them, Kouki could admit to having often fantasized about. And it was happening, but it was happening for the wrong reasons, or so he believed. He was laid before the sun kissed creature but he couldn't see how, as naïve as it might be to think, special it was, how special he wanted it to be when it was glaringly obvious that Denji had probably held Suzuna the same way, kissed her this same way. The boy clenched his teeth at the mental images, the positions that were conjured up within his mind. Something like pain and hate swam within him like a torrent because-

_'why couldn't it have just been me? And only me?'_

Kouki firmly believed that anything about the Nagisa leader was simply _gold_. Feeling his lips on your own skin must have been worth diamonds, holding his gaze for more than just a greeting rivaled the glittering sun rays dancing on the ocean waves on clear sunsets, and even beholding the man's visage was probably like a chance encounter with a legendary.

Sure, maybe it was unrealistic and childish to think that someone like the older blonde would ever be that conservative, that he hadn't ever shared a kiss with someone let alone a few people at the very least. It was naïve and selfish to think that someone like this

lovely work of art hadn't had his share of others, or that others hadn't been able to have an intimate moment with him, _under _him, _on top _of him…

And Kouki finally realized within himself why he felt so torn, so hurt, so green with envy. He believed this man to be worth even more than could be bought. With a character and personality, a countenance so unique and commanding that it equated rare amber fossils, star pieces, and moon stones. Everyone who had come into contact with this refined being, Kouki believed, had not worked or owned up to that privilege.

So the teen was fractured into emotional pieces when the thought crossed his mind that if Denji so easily gave his gold away to even trash, then what did that make him? What did it make someone like him out to be after he'd purposefully tried to sabotage the man's relationship with another person indirectly?

A sob lodged in itself in his already too small throat and he choked on it. The answer was obvious: it meant his 14 year old self was worse than garbage because not even Denji was willing to call him by his own name, instead choosing to mock and degrade the teen's existence further by replacing his name with that of another.

Even in lieu of what the man had confessed, after he had mentioned Suzuna, everything had gone downhill for the teen's emotional strength and sanity. It wasn't him that Denji had pinned to the floor, it wasn't his cheek that the blonde had nuzzled his lips against, it wasn't the racing pulse in his neck that the man had hummed against, kissed, bit, and licked at. Rather, it was someone else, someone worth more than him, someone with beauty, fame, and talent. Someone who was an adult, who possessed enough experience to match Nagisa's star.

It wasn't a child like him.

Kouki might have been precocious but no matter where he was cognitively, his body had a long way to grow in catching up to his mental age. Fresh tears fell from his eyes and he never remembered a time in his life where he hated himself this much. When a warm and firm hand slid up his abdomen, the teen clenched his jaw further and turned his head to the side, ear pressed into the immaculate carpet. The boy continued swallowing down his own sobs, trying not to draw too much attention to the fact that he was ashamed, scared, and crying.

Maybe they were both crazy. He cursed his adolescent emotions for being so enraptured by a person much older and more experienced than he was. Maybe the pressure, uncertainty and stress of the man's ordeal had driven him to commit these salacious acts against him. It was just as Denji had said. The man was going to punish him.

When Kouki felt the other settling over him, the brunette had decided he didn't want to stick around any longer to find out what would happen next and began squirming and attempting to pull his wrists free. The blonde had removed his straying hand in favor of once again nuzzling into his captive's cheek not paying much mind to the struggling of the other.

During his frantic movements, the boy's thigh had brushed against something warm, long and firm. Denji had reflexively shuddered and let out a silent gasp, and the teen only thrashed around harder in realization. It only made matters worse and the blonde slightly trembled as he allowed himself to relish in the unintentional friction. Fear compounded itself within the small boy.

"Denji! Denji, stop! Please stop, I'm sorry so just let me-"

But the emotionally fragile teen was forced to swallow the rest of his sentence as a palm swiftly clamped over his lips.

"You're _sorry?_ You and I both know that sorry doesn't fix anything. You're "sorry" for what you did because things aren't working out for you the way you probably planned. Mmm, you're selfish indeed and so am I." Denji took a moment to observe the wetness pooling in the other's eyes. The words he had spoken were almost vicious but his tone had taken on an exhausted note when he said his next.

"_You _may be _sorry, _Kouki. But I'm _not." _

The youth verbally counters back in disbelief through thickened saliva and wet eye lashes. "So, you're going to take your frustration out on me as punishment for even having a hand in all of what you went through?"

Denji quickly slips the scarf from Kouki's neck and ties the boy's wrists together with it, using his own weight to keep the teen from escaping. The brunette protests and Denji only responds with sarcasm and malice.

"If you want to put it that way then _yes, _I am going to take my _frustration _out on you."

In the middle of an attempt to sit up, Kouki only finds himself forced back against the carpet with the other still resolutely hovering over him.

With softer eyes and surprising kindness, Denji looks into the face of the other.

"Is it so hard to believe that I have a sexual and more than platonic affinity for you, _Kouki?"_

Denji is deliberate and thoughtful enough to say the boy's name this time.

The wild haired blonde patiently waits for the other's response, quietly studying the childlike face below him that is marred with the passing of conflicting emotions.

A few moments of heavy silence and then, "…yes", Kouki finally admits. The words are meek and barely there but Denji hears them just fine.

Again, the lithe teen tries to look away. Once more, the man cups his cheeks and holds the boy in place. Their faces are just inches apart and Denji whispers.

"If it's so hard to believe, then let me _prove it._"

He leaves no room for protest. Their lips meet with hungry and desperate bites and licks, mostly on Denji's part.

The next thirty minutes has Kouki crying and screaming in a way he's never done in his life up until now.

.

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End

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* * *

I laughed during the last part : does that make me evil. BUT HAHA WOW, ALL OVER A WALLET. Maybe I god moded on Denji too much even from Kouki's perspective. EH.

Heyy, dii, xoxoxox. This was a challenge to write out in a short amount of time. I wanted to just finish it and put it up so I could work on further additions of new prompts.

More consistent use of Japanese names. Layout of the gym in relevance to living space is something left up to the imagination I think, even in the games. Anime verse layout of the city is sort of a springboard when making fics.

Platinum game verse had environmental changes that were more cognizant of the region's placement, ie being situated more to the north? (I think I discussed this with you before a long time ago).Thus the cooler weather manifested with snowfall and the change in the clothing of the game's characters to brave the environment. The frontier is warmer because of the active volcano radiating heat into its surroundings. I can imagine that in the "summer" season that the regional temperatures warm up a bit but still necessitate the use of warm clothes. Even warmer clothes would be needed during the "winter".

The whole abortion thing/scandal thing involving Suzuna. Gym leaders are probably like the natural celebrities of the pokemon world so everything they do is probably publicized by the media (as much as they can see/observe/ or even spy on). I imagine something scandalous or dirty would receive lots of attention obviously because there are people who can cash in and make a quick buck off the drama, selling information to magazines and the press. Plus so many people just naturally want to look into the lives of celebrities. Talk about invasion of privacy.

Read an interesting post on tumblr about a person who was able to obtain an old booklet on bg info of the pokemon universe . One idea was that children were considered adults starting at the age of ten and could either go on a journey or go to traditional school as methods of finding their places in society. Most males apparently chose the path of the journey which sort of explains why mostly females are seen in the workforce (officer jenny, pokemon center nurse joy…). There was an interesting bit about most people who went out on journeys failing most of the time and as a result ended up becoming incompetent adults in society. Of course there are the rare few that actually succeed from those journeys (frontier brains and such?) But it's always interesting to note imo that they seemed to be a lot older…

Like, the circumstances seemed harsher because technology advances over time, but I suppose if you're smart about it (really smart and persevering), then that pressure and training builds up over time as you age if you keep at it. Realistically it must have been exhausting. I mean, in the game, the protag is what, twelve or something? And in a "short" amount of time you're able to beat the champion who looks like she's in her late 20's and even beat the battle tower tycoon who looks like he's entering early 40's maybe?

Cyrus "looked" pretty aged himself. So did Palmer, Byron, Wake…I'm assuming the protags and even people like Riley and Roark fit into the succeeding generations. Protags look pretty young though so they're right after the (younger) gym leaders (maylene, Candace, Volkner, Roark). It's like nothing serious went on during the time before protags were able to start their journeys. It's only during their generation that so many things are put into motion and cataclysmic events start happening. Maybe the advent of Team Galactic's meddling with fabric of space/time helped accelerate the protags' skills/development. Because it seems like age prior to their gen could be associated with how strong and successful a trainer is in society. Because "realistically" (haha yeah idk) in that universe, let's look at Palmer for example… He already has a son, looks like early 40's, but he's the freaking Skyscraper God. His pokemon's skills are like honed to near perfection or some shit. That kind of endurance and prowess seems like the result of something that took most of his life to develop and invest in given the limited resources and other stipulations of HIS time.

And of course not everyone has that kind of commitment and perseverance to last that long. So his age is one important factor in his success because it alludes to TIME, the amount of years he probably/might have spent cultivating his skills and training those monsters. Technology might also not have been as advanced in his early days as it is with Jun, Hika, and Kou. A harsh environment can kill a person or turn them into diamonds if they can push through it- I think that's what Shirona and Palmer did. And Cyrus…yeah, what happened in his lifetime? People of madness, don't they consider themselves the protagonist in their own perspective? What made him deviate to the path that he was on when we met him? Alder is another example. Champion of Unova and he's like well into his 40's imo. He probably didn't have shit like pokegear and the quality/catch rates of pokeballs in his time might not have been as good as it is currently. It's no wonder that there are so few "champions" or people of actual status on that level (imo).

One of the interesting other tid bits of info garnered from that tumblr post that sparks interest was that lots of trainers died or got hurt training pokemon/beasts. (Origins did somewhat of a better job being more "realistic" in what happens when a battle takes place in a confined space ie: Giovanni and Red facing off in that tiny ass room in Silph Co and Charizard gets fucking blasted through a god damn wall and part of the infrastructure is falling to fucking pieces. Like damn, this society has to invest major time, money and infrastructure into making sure pokemon matches don't fuck up the city, fuck up the gym, and fuck up the stadiums of contest and leagues.)

Anime verse is the ultimate "let's ignore that fact that Victini enabled ash to jump over a mountainous chasm and survive where he otherwise would have died/let's ignore how many things in pokemon could actually kill/hurt a person. Pikachu's electric shock? Acid attacks from poison typed pokemon? Suffering 3rd degree burns from his rebellious Charizard? It's so much fluff. Not that I'm necessarily complaining. But you and I talked recently before about what realistically could be considered death traps/major pitfalls in pokemon. Like, Claire's gym with the lava filled floor? You could totally slip on the iced floor in Candace's gym and crack your head open or impale yourself on an ice spike or something. Even getting crushed by the gears that operate the platforms in Volkner's gym? Yeah…

So those older individuals are really pearls of their time. They managed to not die horrible deaths training dangerous animals with supernatural powers.

World building…

Because of all of this (not just the tumblr post), it makes me think about how individuals in this society even persevere/cope with the stresses of life in this universe. Like, does Volkner/Denji have any family or nearby relatives? He basically helped build Sunnyshore. Those solar panels and everything? He built a fucking lighthouse? He renovates his own gym? Like, let's think about what kind of person you have to be (all the possibilities of what could have happened) to be able to invest that kind of time into creating something huge like that. Sounds like a lot of time spent in solitude and too much of it can't always be healthy. What made him freaking decide to invest so much of his life into projects like these?

Owning pokemon is advantageous because you can use their powers and abilities. He was maybe contracted by the city to create so many things? He's also always so serious and moody looking when you first meet him. He says he hasn't felt that spark in a long time right? Well, I can imagine creations like the ones he made took a lot of time. All that work looks like it can really take a toll on a person, it can lead to burn out. Especially if you don't find ways to relax and rejuvenate your spirit. (ergo: his depression)

He's so young looking though, and I wonder what drove him to invest (what seems like possibly) a large amount of his life towards building and contributing to the city. It also makes me curious/concerned/interested in his emotional and cognitive states of well being. Especially where intimate relationships and friendships are concerned. Volkner and Cyrus are kind of alike, in their intellect I think? Cyrus made machines from an early age and Volkner must've been hella fucking smart as a kid too. He's basically a fucking god damn engineer and I don't think he went to school for that shit, as evidenced by his possession of pokemon/being a gym leader-you had to have chosen the life of a trainer to be able to devote enough time raising pokemon to that caliber.

I have this head canon that Volkner grew up as a foreigner in hardship. He possessed great talent already at a young age for physics/science but not in a research sense- more so a practical/applicable sense. Researchers and scientist theorize and gather data. He's a creator, he builds, he makes real what is only dreamed of in theory and speculation.

It makes me wonder if he qualifies as being just a little messed up in the head LMAO. Or maybe he was just obsessed with taking his interest in this science area towards a whole new level and happens to be a workaholic. He's so unique though. He invested his talents and skills into the city. Cyrus used his intellect and talents for something else entirely-something that opposed other people's existences. Cyrus was…"mad"/genius…(he still was able to get his shit together and summon the fucking beasts of space and time). Volkner is a genius too (imoooooo) so I wonder about his inhibitions or lack thereof for some things…

*ou like angst so I tried to make things just that. Well, situations that create angst/anxiety and how people react/behave (and why they behave that way: motivations) is interesting. :]

* tried to map out and consider a lot of angles in this fic, so a lot of things spoken by the characters even down to the order, tone, and verb usage was deliberate. This actually took me a long ass time to type up and think out. Especially in adding these notes. Descriptions can seem lazy maybe in some areas, I'm not sure, but like I said, this was time sensitive. It's not necessarily rushed so much as that I made it a challenge to myself to write as much as possible/flesh this out under an allotted time (because woo, xmas is around the corner). Hm also, yes, swapping points of view, sort of between denji and kouki. The author/narrator (points to self) is "knowledgeable" about what is going on in the minds of both parties and I tried my best. It's up to the reader to follow along closely/try to be cognizant of who is doing what.

*In some parts I guess things escalate pretty damn fast? Idk? Like the part where Denji locks the door to his "apartment" and suddenly Kouki is pu ton edge? And then their dialogue just dives right into the "problem".

*does the rather blunt adult theme of, errr, pregnancy and all the things that happened in this fic kind of put a damper on things when reading it? (like woah things just got dark and serious and idc if I can handle anymore).

*also, condoms are pretty durable/stretchable. You'd really have to purposefully go and poke a serious hole in it with something because they shouldn't break so easily from stretching or being smooshed. If a guy's dick breaks a condom, you can be sure he's going to break your ass/vagina or both. I'm serious, those plastic things stretch to unbelievable proportions and don't break.

I don't know when you'll get to read this or if you will even like it, but I hope you will/think it's not that bad because you do like stokeshipping obviouslyyy…I wrote this much possibly to give you food for thought? A lot of food for thought. And emotional stimulation. But of course it only works if you're really intrigued by this pairing, as much as you appearrrr to be. :]


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